So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
