Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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