you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
