Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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