Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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