Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
