Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
