White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
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