so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Randomize
