I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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