Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
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