shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Randomize
