She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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