I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
