He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
