My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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