There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
