spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
