I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
