I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
