I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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