Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
