then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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