Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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