You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
