And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
