My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
