If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
