I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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