im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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