i jhust puked up my retainher.
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
