Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
what day is it and did you see me today?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Randomize
