apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I can't turn off my feet"
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Randomize
