Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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