Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
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