it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
