We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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