She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
