YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I just found puke in my bra..
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
