I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
