Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
