im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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