After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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