I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
