my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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