wrigley field is MILF paradise
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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