Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
