never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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