After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
