i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
